Political memes of all over the world
47-year-old woman has made the astonishing claim that her chronic dandruff, which has plagued her since early childhood, has now completely cleared up, due, to what she believes to be, the miraculous healing powers of a likeness of US President, Donald Trump she spotted in a hot cross bun.
Tracy Dell from Whitechapel in East London, told newsmen: “I arrived back from Lidl last Friday and decided to eat one of the hot cross buns I had bought earlier.
“To my surprise, the face of Donald Trump was clearly visible in the corner of one of them. There was no doubt about it. Two of the currants were his eyes and a burnt orangey section at the top was his hair.
“Almost immediately, a bright light flooded the kitchen and I felt a burning sensation on my scalp.
“I heard a voice cry out: “Dandruff! Leave this woman until we find out what the hell’s going on. Make her scalp great again”
“After I’d calmed down a bit, I looked in the mirror and my dandruff had completely cleared up. It’s a miracle and I can’t thank Mr Trump enough.
“I was going to bare my arse and throw bottles of piss at him like everybody else when he visits Britain in November, but after this, I’ll just stay home and watch it on the telly instead”
Mrs Dell’s revelation comes exactly 25 years after a man from neighbouring Shoreditch was cured of chronic irritable bowel syndrome after spotting the face of Ronald Reagan on the burnt surface of a custard tart.
1. Robert Gabriel Mugabe
I am not Funny I am Gaberial
1. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner.
2. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum & you realise witchcraft is real
4. Our economy is a hundred times better, than the average African economy. Outside South Africa, what country is Zimbabwe? … What is lacking now are goods on the shelves—that is all.
7. “The only warning the African takes seriously is low battery.”
8. “Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realize witchcraft is real”
9. “If you like school girls, buy a uniform for your wife to wear for you”.
10. “Racism will never end as long as white cars are using black tyres; if people still use Black to symbolize bad luck and White for peace, if people still wear white clothes at weddings and black clothes at funerals; as long as those who don’t pay their bills are blacklisted and not white-listed. But I don’t care as long as I am using the white toilet paper to wipe my ass”
11. “It is hard to bewitch African girls these days. Each time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire”
12. “South Africans will kick down a statue of a White man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a Black man simply because he is a foreigner”.
I AM A RUSSIAN TEMPER
2. Everything will probably never be okay. But we have to try for it.
3. I am the wealthiest man, not just in Europe, but in the whole world. I collect emotions.
4. We will chase terrorists everywhere. If in an airport, then in the airport. So if we find them in the toilet, excuse me, we’ll rub them out in the outhouse. And that’s it, case closed.
5. Sometimes it is necessary to be lonely in order to prove that you are right
6. “Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.” –Jimmy Fallon
7. “Things have gotten very tense between the U.S. and Russia. In fact, during a speech today Vladimir Putin criticized the U.S. for thinking it’s ‘always right.’ Then he went back to organizing an election where you can’t vote ‘No.'” –Jimmy Fallon
8. “Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.” –David Letterman
9. “After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, ‘Tell me who the other nominees are — and I will eliminate them.'” –Conan O’Brien
10. “Putin doesn’t know what the troops are doing there. And he has no exit strategy. He got that from us.” –David Letterman
11. “The president of the United States is getting outplayed. Look what he wore when he Saturday during a tense 90-minute phone call with Putin – no tie, jeans with a jean shirt. What is this, casual doomsday? Meanwhile, on the other end, you know Putin is shirtless, stroking a tiger, looking into an infinity mirror.” –Stephen Colbert
3. Tony Abbott
I NEED A VERY BAD KISS....
1. ‘Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it’s not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.’
2. ‘These people aren’t so much seeking asylum, they’re seeking permanent residency. If they were happy with temporary protection visas, then they might be able to argue better that they were asylum seekers’
On rights at work:
3. ‘Bad bosses, like bad fathers and husbands, should be tolerated because they do more good than harm’
5. ‘I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons’
6. ‘I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they are both they both need to be moderated, so to speak’
7. ‘What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price and their own power bills when they switch the iron on are going to go up, every year…’
On Indigenous Australia:
13. ‘Now, I know that there are some Aboriginal people who aren’t happy with Australia Day. For them it remains Invasion Day. I think a better view is the view of Noel Pearson, who has said that Aboriginal people have much to celebrate in this country’s British Heritage’
14. ‘Western civilisation came to this country in 1788 and I’m proud of that…’
15. ‘There may not be a great job for them but whatever there is, they just have to do it, and if it’s picking up rubbish around the community, it just has to be done’
4. David Cameron
I AM A SAD FREAKIEST....
1. I came into politics because I love this country.
2. One of the tasks that we clearly have is to rebuild trust in our political system. Yes, that’s about cleaning up expenses, yes, that’s about reforming parliament, and yes, it’s about making sure people are in control and that the politicians are always their servants and never their masters..
4. There is such a thing as society. It’s just not the same thing as the state.
5. The trouble with Twitter, the instantness of it, too many twits might make a twat.
6. Look at me and think of Schwarzenegger.
7. Lots of people call me Dave, my mum calls me David, my wife calls me Dave, I don’t really notice what people call me.
8. For many young people, childhood is over by age 12.
9. I joined this party because I believe in freedom. We are the only party believing that if you give people freedom and responsibility, they will grow stronger and society will grow stronger.
10. I want you to come with me. We’ll be tested, and challenged, but we’ll never give up. We’ll never turn back. So let the message go out from this conference, a modern compassionate Conservatism is right for our times, right for our party – and right for our country. If we go for it, if we seize it, if we fight for it with every ounce of passion, vigour and energy from now until the next election, nothing and no one can stop us.
5. Angela Merkel
I AM ON SEA FOOD DIET....
1. “Budget consolidation and economic growth are two sides of the same coin.”
2. “Europe can only hold together and stand together, which is very important in times of migration challenges, terrorism challenges, if each country takes responsibility for itself.”
3. “I will not let anyone tell me we must spend more money. This crisis did not come about because we issued too little money but because we created economic growth with too much money and it was not sustainable growth.”
6. “I am not here for women only, but also for women.”
7. “Overcoming the Cold War required courage from the people of Central and Eastern Europe and what was then the German Democratic Republic, but it also required the steadfastness of Western partner over many decades when many had long lost hope of integration of the two Germanys and Europe.”
8. “It seems to me that the fact that I am a woman is a bigger issue than the fact that I’m from the East. For me it isn’t really important. I’ve only ever known myself as a woman.”
9. “He promised they would reduce unemployment by two million, … Instead it grew. That’s the truth.”
10. “We will take care of every single person in our society. That is our task,”
11. “You are lying … Herr Chancellor! … You are the past, you have failed.”
12. “The SPD is whipping up fears and telling a lot of lies. They’re making charges that have nothing to do with reality,”
1. A recruit thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout. The drill instructor picked up on this and took him into the woods and made him build a nest. Then he had him squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm. —V_E_R_S_E
2. Our squad leader was yelling at a soldier when he abruptly stopped and said, “I’m done yelling at you. It doesn’t work.” He stormed off and returned carrying a small potted tree. “You will carry this tree with you wherever you go. If anyone asks you why you’re carrying this tree, you will say, ‘It’s to replace the oxygen I stole from everyone else.’” —Tain01
3. “I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
4. Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance?
A: To get to the other side.
5. My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.
6. “Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, Lizard’s leg, and howlet’s wing.” —Paula Deen
7. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” —Taylor Swift
1. Narendra Modi
Title: Indian prime minister
2. Barack Obama
Title: US president
3. Vladimir Putin
Title: Russian president